The silent surrounding with a sweet whisper calling you to follow the path of death is not new to many but what if you really feel and experience it. Our brain is so chaotic that it follows the rules of a demon inside but not the guardian angel. A voice running constantly in my head saying jump, stab, chop, die etc is not only scary but its stupid. I mean, I know that the voice is not real but still I tend to follow it. That is where the battle between the good and the evil begins. For example, you are on top of the beautiful mountain. You feel the beauty of life on the edge of that cliff but a voice deep within will ask you to jump! That second if you lose your consciousness, you are no more. That battle between the good and the evil becomes deadly and you are frozen in time on a cliff. One wrong move, bye bye to life. I have battled many rounds with many things in life, like a train, tablets and even cockroach killer but the good side won the battle.
So what do you feel exactly? Well, it happens without my consciousness. I will be sleeping and suddenly someone wakes me up. A dark figure calling me to a place, for the first few times, I did follow him but then I realized that I am hallucinating. He takes me to the terrace and then he flies. So your brain is telling you to jump but your consciousness or your common sense just stop you from doing. Other time you are standing on the top of a building, a silent whisper tells you to jump. Cockroach spray scene was weird. I was killing some of the cockroaches using this spray and suddenly a thought came to try the spray. I stood with the spray thinking about if I should try or no, not even realizing that it would kill me. It took me half an hour to realize and say no. I feel many different sensations, like why not try poison to what happens if I die? Ya, many do have this sensation but its very strong to me. The sense of consciousness helps me and saves me every time. I think the key to overcoming this is the sense of consciousness and happiness. I mean, I find happiness by giving happiness to others, what is yours? Identify that first.
A word of advice to all those people who are thinking about suicide. That second of your life if you pass then you have a wonderful future ahead. Today many die because of many reasons but I am sure when they are just seconds away from death everyone regrets there decision. I feel like dying too because I didn't have happiness in life but now, I only give happiness to people which makes me happy. Helping others who are facing physical or emotional disasters and make them come out of it. Anyone who is feeling lonely and want to die? Contact me! Let us live a life happily coz you have only once to live or to die!
Mail me: jd@brewchew.in
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