The Two Angles Of An Acute Personality12:07Guruji Foodie
Waking up in the morning with a smile is a fantasy to me, because I don’t wake up seeing beautiful things in life or have a beautiful life to live. However Dr. Anand doesn’t think that way. He believes that my inner consciousness is more powerful than the mind I am currently residing in. Of-course he knows better about schizophrenia than me but the known fact is that schizophrenia is incurable. For the people who are reading my diary should understand that the story you are reading is about me and my name is Jaiesh. I am one in a hundred because I am schizophrenic and exclusive. The only thing different between me and the 99 others are that the others can’t tell the difference between positive and negative but I can. My positivity is experiencing hallucinations (Usually called as day dreaming) and negativity is that I lack in motivation. A normal man do have these characteristics but the difference is that I call these behaviors as a disease and they call themselves as perfect. Frankly, I don’t feel anything bad about my disease because I don’t hurt anyone physically or mentally. I do have some bad qualities like suicidal tendencies makes me go crazy at times but my hallucinations brings me back on track and that is the reason I why called hallucination as positive.Think again, how many of you have dreams? How many of you dream while you are awake? Almost everyone? Well! The difference is that I live those dreams right then and there.
I used to have a beautiful friend in college, I used to love her a lot but things got out of hand and she married someone else. I got used to rejections but that didn’t stop me from making her appear in front of my eyes. The only problem I faced in life is to understand the minds of the common public. Sometimes I feel what I am seeing is genuine and sometimes I feel what they are seeing is real. Think about it, world has too many mysteries and who knows whose right is right. I might be seeing something real which you might not able to see. But deep inside these confusions, I also have two types of people living inside me. As I said previously, one is a dreamer and the other is a destroyer. The reality between two of them are genuine and sometimes scary. A battle between two sentiments echoes in my brain constantly. I am sure, everyone would have faced similar kind of confusions in their lives but it’s for our good. We tend to change our behaviors accordingly and the life moves on, but in my case, I can’t change anything. To give you specific details, I think I should tell you a small story of a couple.
Once upon a time, in Madhya Pradesh a cute girl fell in love with a handsome young gentleman from Kashmir. They both married and things started to change, priorities became the core of their relationship. The things went on and one day they decide to split up, and they did. I am not like them, because they are normal but I am like their child, confused between a mother’s heart and father’s brain. Lost in the world of fantasy yet afraid to move ahead. A lost soul don't know what to do or where to go.
I think by this time, you would have understood why I am taking my time to write this. You guessed it right, this would be my last day on this earth. I am proud of myself that I am not a normal guy like you. I think, this is my shortest story of life, maybe in the next life I might continue writing this book again. Who knows I might reappear tomorrow and tell the same tale on the next page like I did on my previous pages.